News from my world full of art & wine.

April 21, 2016

003. TALK—CONFUSION. I started competing as an acrobat at the age of 6 or 7. In the beginning I was “on top”—meaning someone would hold me up on their hands, shoulders and I would do the tricks. When I got older I took over the lower supporting part and eventually transitioned to the solo trampoline. Always is pretty sparkling bodysuits and fake smile to compete. In the meantime, from age 7 to the age of 11 I was competing in, wait for it…beauty pageants. I won 3 years in the row and I lost the forth time. I can taste that devastation of an 11 year old today. I remember her face. The winner girl. I remember her curly blond hair. I remember how it is to feel ugly (obviously I had to be if I took the 2nd place.) I remember her cute eyes and I wanted to be her and squint like her. I remember I wanted to hide in the nearest forest and never show my face to the world. It was a 2nd place face, judged as not good enough. Then I became a feminist. The kind that is based on exclusion not inclusion. You don’t wear makeup, you don’t allow men to open the door for you, you don’t let men stay overnight, and most importantly—you show you don’t need anything and anyone, because you have everything under control. That woman. No hair, no skirts. It’s been a long wavy path. The drama caused the confusion for a long time. Or the confusion caused the drama. Today I’m chilled (for the most part) and at peace. I’ll let the door to be open for me but I’ll stand up for women if I see a misogynistic crap. I won’t play “the pretty” card to get anything. And I agree with Danielle LaPorte and her latest Kim Kardashian video. “If I’d had a baby girl…” is a good question to ask once in a while. Womanhood. Girlhood. Let’s all quit the competition. And feed the heart with sense and sensible inclusion. #100daysofmARTa#the100dayproject

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