D A Y 4 // V U L N E R • I N • A B I L I T Y
This “IN” means that SHE is somewhere there, in me, that Vulnerability promise, right?
Because I’m not. You think I am but I say not enough. This project is a part of my coming out. I’m a “All is great—I HANDLE IT ALL — BY MYSELF — LET ME DO IT FOR YOU” kind of girl. As a child, when good things were hapenning I was offended when they were praising my parents — I DID IT!
And so it goes. You grow / up or sideways /, hide the imperfections, never ask for help, smile, carry on. As a teenager you go for an interview to some shack, full makeup, asking for some seasonal office job and the place consists of 2 dirty dudes and 2 chairs. So I lean or knee and ALL IS WELL.
It’s one of my biggest regrets—to not ask for a fucking chair. You have those moments?
I was immature, with a perfect attitude and eyeliner, no need for NOTHING. Hold the chair, let me bend over or get on my knees.
And so it goes. You grow / up or sideways / and you learn to recognize the mucus in your life—purge it via 2 behaviors: closing the shutters of your heart or becoming a clever bitch. You continue to handle everything by yourself but after a while, at least, you learn to accept the chair.
Today I exept more but I still gloss over the needs with the “it’s ok” jelly. Tiptoeing around loved ones, taking down the strangers; that’s easy. The meaningful people make it all tricky—I want to be a superwoman. So, with chai, lapis lazuli on my right finger, carnelian on my left, with all my chakras charged up (or so I hope), I’m able to write this, pumping my heart with grown up blood. ▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴▴
#30daysofHeartNesting : to sit, to sharpen, to soften, to write, to reveal, to remove my blind spots.
All my watercolors are on fina art watercolor paper, mounted to panel and framed in white-washed fir, ready to hang. And they are absolutely affordable.
OPENING RECEPTION: 3/1 at 6pm.