How to Not Explain Yourself

There is a version of the creative life I have been watching people live for twelve years: the version where you spend more energy justifying the work than doing it.

You know this version. You may be living it. The apologies at dinner parties when someone asks what you do. The careful framing — "it's still in progress," "it's just something I do on the side," "I'm also looking into other options." The elaborate explanations of why the painting/novel/practice makes sense, is actually viable, and is connected to real skills that real employers would value. The constant low-grade work of making your life legible to people whose approval you're not sure you need.

I spent years doing this. It is exhausting in a specific way — not the exhaustion of making things, which is the good kind, but the exhaustion of defending a case you already won. You already know why you make things. You don't actually need to convince anyone.

The problem is [...]