Who You Are When No One Is Buying

Just me, playing with my Virginia Woolf Portrait on the book cover. Dreaming.

Two mornings. Same studio.

The first: I walk in with the list already running in my head. Three orders to ship. The half-finished marsh painting needs to be photographed before the light changes. A licensing inquiry has been sitting in my inbox since Tuesday; there is varnishing, scanning and more. All awaiting. I pick up the brush with all of this humming somewhere behind my eyes, and I paint somewhat efficiently. I complete things, I deliver. The painting that comes out is competent, sometimes even good — it fits the series, it will be easy to caption. When I leave that afternoon, something adjacent to satisfaction. 

The second: no list. I make coffee (fat cream, a dab of brandy, yeah) and look at the paper for longer than is reasonable. Move some brushes around for no particular reason. The light on the water jar does something complicated, and I watch it. Eventually, I pick up a brush, and what happens in the next two hours [...]